Showing posts with label Silliness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Silliness. Show all posts

Monday, November 2, 2015

CBS Newscaster Falls Off His Segue [sic]

Fall from Segway™
I understand that the pressures on the man performing today's 90-second summary in CBS's morning newscast were considerable, but this (non-)transition had unfortunate consequences.

A story about whether ISIS was actually responsible for downing the Russian airliner which crashed in Egypt was followed immediately— segue, no significant pause in verbal transition— by these words:
Ice is reforming in Antarctica.
I am sure that thousands of people, including me, heard that line in its context as
ISIS— reforming in Antarctica.
Well, hell, I suppose there are no guarantees in lightning-fast news summaries, and maybe, just maybe, the sequence was an accident. Maybe the Moon is made of Roquefort, too...

Monday, October 26, 2015

Dear President Obama And Speaker Boehner:

I have read from many sources including this one that you are very near to closing a deal on the budget and the debt ceiling. I have also read from a couple of sources including the one just cited that the deal includes "significant cuts in spending on Medicare and Social Security disability benefits."

This old geezer is watching you very closely and would like to inform you of my own plans. If you severely whack Social Security, and as a result I find myself getting hungry on a regular basis, I will take a knife and start carving myself some steaks...





... OUT OF MEMBERS OF CONGRESS!!!

(Note to concerned government agents, FBI, etc.: Put the gun down. I'm a vegetarian. I've been a sprout-eater for about 35 years. Give it up; I'm not gonna take a knife to anyone.)

Sunday, October 11, 2015

Happy Birthday,’ Screw You —
Happy Birthday,’ Screw You —

Parker Higgins at Electronic Frontier Foundation:
It’s now (probably) legal to publicly sing the world's most popular song, thanks to an opinion handed down yesterday [9/22/2015] by a federal judge in Los Angeles. After years of litigation, the court held that the lyrics of "Happy Birthday To You" are not restricted by Warner/Chappell's copyright, handing a solid victory to a group of filmmakers producing a documentary about the song, not to mention the general public.

We’re glad about the ruling, but we can’t help noting that the case casts some of the deeper problems with our copyright system into stark contrast. For one thing, copyright terms are way, way, way too long.

...
Regular readers may know I'm not fond of copyright the way it has developed here since the founders of our nation embedded it in the Constitution (Article 1, Section 8, Clause 8): a concept intended to do two things— materially reward useful or artistic creative effort ("... by securing for limited Times to Authors and Inventors the exclusive Right to their respective Writings and Discoveries"), while allowing such work to become part of the commons after a time as a means of encouraging later authors, composers, inventors etc. to develop earlier ideas into further useful creations— has ended up serving only a couple of very powerful trade associations in the movie, music and publishing businesses and simultaneously doing practically nothing to encourage the proper use of earlier material by later creators. That use is, of course, where the real benefit to society resides; now it's gone.

That's what we've seen to date (e.g., kids facing near-million-dollar fines for downloading digital recordings and making their own CDs or iPod content), and I'm pretty sure we can expect nothing but more-of-the-same in the future. That's pretty damned far from the expressed original intention of copyright, but it serves the greedy very well, and that's the nature of America today. [/rant]

So the judge's releasing of America's usual Birthday Song from a faulty copyright held by Warner/Chappell, who exercised it to a profit typically $2 million a year (see the EFF article linked above), is a good thing. I assume the excessive fines levied in some copyright matters will now be challenged in court, at least by those who can afford the legal bills. And that, too, is a good thing.

As to the song itself, which I consider an unartistic near-atrocity, see this post's title for my unchanged reaction to it. That song is not a good thing!

Thursday, September 24, 2015

What Will The American Media Do When The Pope Has Gone Home?

Well, perhaps they could produce an opera. Here's a duet from it...
POPE‑A‑GENOPOPE‑A‑GENA


Pope... Pope Pope... 
 Pope... Pope Pope...
Pope... Pope... Pope... Pope...  
  Pope... Pope... Pope... Pope...
 
 
... etc. ...
Nah... that's too much like what we're hearing right now when anyone but the Pontiff himself is speaking...

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

Inquiring Herbivore Minds Want To Know...

The daily Trump TPM email pointed to an article titled "Trump Truth! Was Trump’s Obama/Muslim Questioner A Plant?" Well, surely, yes, but that isn't the half of it; the real question is, what kind of plant?


A ficus? a tulip? broccoli? a forest of giant oak trees (some assembly required)? I'd guess the last option; he was clearly some kind of nut...

Friday, July 24, 2015

Krugman Quote

I've been reading a rather dated (1999) Krugman book, more for the segment he appended in later editions about the crisis of 2008, but the whole thing has been an education for me, as is usual with his books. Here's the quotation:
"But hype springs eternal..."
— Paul Krugman, The Return of Depression Economics / and the crisis of 2008, p. 146.
You know, I think I really like the guy...

Tuesday, July 14, 2015

Texas Makes The TPM Front Page

... and not for any good reasons, you may be sure:



"God bless you Texas, and keep you brave and strong..." Yes, that's from the official Texas state song, "Texas, Our Texas." And I'll bet you thought it was "The Eyes of Texas," which it's not, unless they've changed it since my childhood.

This has been a PSA (Pretty Stupid Announcement)...

Friday, July 10, 2015

Little Seizers [sic]

Another recent Smash/Grab
in Houston
Smash-and-grab crimes, in which the thieves ram a vehicle into a storefront window, steal some items and load them into the vehicle, and finally exit the way they entered, have regrettably become as common in Houston as in other big cities; just google the expression "smash grab houston" for some examples. This morning, ABC 13 Houston News reported such a break-in at a location of a well-known pizza chain. (The news item is not yet on the ABC13 site.)

Safe!?
The thieves (there seem to have been a lot of them, perhaps seven people) broke loose the store's safe, seized it (so said the newscaster), and got away with it in the truck. Apparently the safe was subsequently transferred to another vehicle, but the woman driving that car was caught and is in custody. Clearly smash-and-grab is now an equal opportunity offense!
Considering the pizza chain, you could call the thieves little seizers. Apparently no one was seriously hurt, and none of the pizza parlor staff suffered petit mal (little seizures). I regret that there was such a major crime, but I am glad everyone is safe... if any of the thieves ordered (or stole) a salad while they were there, I hope they also got a handful of safe crackers to go with it... (and on and on...)

(FTR, I never go to Little Ceasars. I just don't like what they bake. I'm not saying it's bad, only that I don't like it, and this is a city full of choices when it comes to pizza.)

Tuesday, June 23, 2015

A Headline From ‘My’ Newspaper?

No, not mine; I've seldom even been in Indiana, and I cartainly haven't owned a newspaper there. The Batesville Herald-Tribune site shows the following hed at the moment:
Five vying for fair queen



I didn't know there was a contest: wasn't it long ago resolved that Eliza is the Fairest Queen?

Sunday, June 21, 2015

A Mid-Sunday-Morning Poem For Stella

... written in a rough rendering of Stella's smooth style, with a touch of Dr. Seuss...
Brunch
Whadd'ya want for brunch?
Will it pack a punch?
Will it make a crunch?
D'ya have a hunch
What ya wanna munch?

Speak soon, or it'll be
   time for lunch!
— Steve Bates

Friday, June 12, 2015

‘I've Got A Lot Of Friends. We'll Have A Rotating First Lady.’ — Presidential Aspirant Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-SC)

Ohhh-kaaay...

Potential rotating First Lady
(proposed by Lindsey Graham)

(If image doesn't animate, do a hard refresh [Ctrl-F5] to get it started. Or right-click the image and choose View Image Info. This appears to be a known bug in Firefox. Or just view the post in Google Chrome.)

Friday, June 5, 2015

Friday Folly — Rename Austin Street Or Not?

Houston's CBS TV news outlet, KHOU-11 News, ran a story about a street in Austin, TX named
BRUCE JENNER LANE


The residents are debating whether to retain that name, or to rename the street
CAITLYN JENNER LANE

The name change would require the approval of a majority of the street's residents and also the Austin city council.

I propose a compromise: why don't they just rename it
TRANS JENNER LANE?
(Sorry, no pic available!)
<grin_duck_run />

Wednesday, May 27, 2015

Tasteless Quiz: Rank The Evils In This Story

The story:

Carbon monoxide kills Kentucky couple having sex in car


A man and woman died while having sex in a parked car, WCPO-TV reports.

Paramedics say Violet Iles, 25, and David Long, 32, died when carbon monoxide began leaking into the vehicle through a rusty exhaust pipe. The couple had turned the vehicle on because it was a chilly night.

Long's brother told WPCO-TV he found the bodies while walking his children to their school bus stop.

"I pulled him out and I tried to do CPR on him, and the paramedics tried to talk me through it over the phone," Kevin Long said.

Police are now waiting for a toxicology report to see if alcohol or drugs were in the couple's system. The Sheriff's Department says anyone who plans to spend a long period of time in a parked vehicle should roll down the windows or turn off the vehicle.

Kienholz: Back Seat Dodge '38 (1964)
or
Door Open - How You're S'posed To Do It


The quiz:

A. This is a story about the evils of...

  1. carbon monoxide
  2. Kentucky
  3. couples
  4. cars
  5. sex
  6. drugs
  7. rock 'n' roll
  8. toxicology
  9. CPR
  10. paramedics
  11. sheriffs
  12. all of the above
  13. none of the above

B. As fluff news items go, this one is...

  1. more entertaining than most
  2. regrettably typical
  3. bow-ring (aptly the name of the Gander, Newfoundland airport)

Thank you for your time. No matter what you answered, you may print your quiz and use it as toilet paper. You are now leaving...
THE TOILET ZONE!

Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Misspeak Of The Day


Electrical short
Electrical shortage
A reporter for Houston's ABC13 News said it, not once, but several times over the course of the early morning news. Referring to a residence (apartment? house? I don't remember) that burned, the reporter, obviously following a script, said that arson investigators had determined that the fire was due to an electrical shortage [sic]...

Friday, February 13, 2015

Extensible Slogan?

There's a chain of jewelers around here named Kay. Their slogan seems to be
Every kiss begins with Kay™
Hmm... OK, I got it. So when does a urologist open an office with the slogan
Every piss begins with pee™
<grin‑duck‑run />

Static Pages (About, Quotes, etc.)

No Police Like H•lmes



(removed)