Cause And Effect

Iranian clerics have an interesting perspective on that relationship, especially when it comes to immodest women and their link to... earthquakes???

Monday, Apr 19, 2010 11:06 EDT
Broadsheet
Iranian cleric: Immodest women cause quakes

Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi issues a warning about seismically slutty dames

By Tracy Clark-Flory
Reuters/Eduardo Munoz//Salon

Amid all the recent speculation over what only feels like an unusual number of earthquakes around the world, an Iranian cleric has offered a novel explanation for the source of seismic activity: promiscuous women. Unless Iranians "take refuge in religion" and "adapt our lives to Islam's moral codes," they can expect to be "buried under the rubble," said Hojatoleslam Kazem Sedighi, a senior cleric, during Friday prayers in Tehran. As usual, these moral responsibilities are projected onto women's bodies: "Many women who do not dress modestly ... lead young men astray, corrupt their chastity and spread adultery in society, which increases earthquakes," he said.

Just two weeks ago, President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad predicted a devastating earthquake in the country's capital and called for "at least 5 million" to relocate. The thing is, Iran does sit on some major fault lines, and experts have long warned of a catastrophic quake in Tehran. ...

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OK. Let's do some comparisons...

Here is a world map of earthquakes (NASA/GSFC), a very topographical-looking cylindrical projection (I think). For correspondence and so that I don't have to learn Google Maps better to create an overlay, here is a world political map (mapsofworld.com). Just for good measure, here is another world map of earthquakes (USGS), this one much more typically map-like and flat-looking, intended for use in explaining plate tectonics.


Had enough of world maps yet? We're almost done with them. Oh, I almost forgot: Here is an earthquake map of Iran, Google-simplified to point out only the big ones.


So, let's return to immodest women. (I am always happy to return to immodest women!)


Where are most of the earthquakes on those maps? Well, there's the West Coast of the United States... the East Coast, not so much, but I think we can agree that if Cleric Kazem (forgive me; his name is irrelevant, but I need something shorter to call him) is correct about the connection with earthquakes, that almost all the women on the West Coast must parade around 99 percent undressed at least half the time. Then there's the West Coast of South America: it must be similarly populated almost exclusively with gals perpetually unclad. Again, not so much the East Coast, though Rio has had more than a few earthquakes over the past century... hey, we wouldn't want the traditionally scantily clad Girl from Ipanema to be left out! (Calm down... Astrud Gilberto is anything but scantily clad in this video. Completely covered, and performing more stiffly than I remember ever seeing her, is what she is in this video.)


Ah...now let's look at Iran! (See links to maps at top of post.) Now answer the question, Mister Kazem: where are the women sluttier, more immodest, etc. than on the West Coast of the U.S.? Right. Good job you're doing over there!