Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Groundhog Day

From 1999...

       Phil's Perspective

Bleary-eyed and slightly yawny,
Phil returns to Punxsutawney,
Rudely wakened from his nappy...
He does not look very happy.

No frenetic, run-around hog,
Phil's a feet-below-the-ground-hog;
Suffers people's baldfaced stares...
Shadow? ask him if he cares.

Phil did not see "Groundhog Day"
(Thought he might have had to pay).
Do it over? Pshaw, he grunts...
Do it right, and do it once!

Wakened, Punxsutawney Phil
Bids you leave, and bids you ill:
Bids you, bloody go away...
Had his Phil of Groundhog Day.

Let him sleep beneath the grass!
Wake him next year, and your ass
Goes for several bucks a pound:
He's groundhog, and you're ground round.

Phil's no fan of long tradition,
Damns his handler to perdition.
Leave poor Phil alone, you creep...
Let the furry critter sleep!

Yanking Phil from field or farm, a
Fellow faces frightful karma:
Thorn, or rash, or broken splinter;
Six more weeks... at least... of winter!
- Steve Bates


  1. Doggerel? You must be feeling a bit better.

    Were I hibernating and they woke me, winter would be least of their problems.

  2. Bryan, I don't know... if I had the power to extend winter for my adversaries, it would be very tempting!

    This doggerel is old doggerel, and I sensibly did not try to teach it new tricks. But at least the rhyming sounds are rumbling through my head now...

  3. That little Republican rodent bettah stay outta this neighborhood or become a tasty BBQ!



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